The hardcore way to eat ramen:
1. Boil water
2. Eat block of ramen
3. Drink boiled water
4. Snort flavored powder
5. Fuck bitches
(via thathipstercunt)
Taste Test: Peanut Butter & Dick Jelly
Someone recently asked me if I have a disorder that makes me want to eat weird/gross things. At first I was all, “Weirdness is subjective. Just because you think frying up a little vaginal discharge for an afternoon snack is gross doesn’t mean everyone does.” But the more I think about it, I’m not so sure.
This morning, for instance, I ate a bunch of flavored lube because I wanted to know if any of them were as delicious as the fruits and, in one case, alcoholic beverage, they claim to represent. I also paired my lubes with some of my favorite foods, thinking the contrast between a well-known taste and a totally unknown one would make the latter really sing on my palate.
So yes, maybe I have a compulsion to eat weird things, but only so that you don’t have to!
Flavor #1 Strawberry
This being the first tasting, I’ll admit there were some naïve thoughts running through my head while squirting the lube packet onto the bread. “Mmmm peanut butter and strawberry jam, a childhood classic,” I thought. I was expecting this to taste a lot like a normal PB&J—just more intense and with a slightly larger libido. I was wrong. The lube tasted like lip-gloss from the dollar store, but the peanut butter was (thankfully) the dominant flavor. It was like a peanut-butter-poison-treat-snack.
Flavor #2 Raspberry
Up next was this little cutie packet from Dickalicious. As opposed to other types of lube, this one is strictly designed for dinks and only dinks. So, I guess this isn’t really “lube” per say, but I ate it anyway. And sweet Jesus it was delicious. This stuff tasted exactly like candy. It was like Sweet Tarts mixed with plastic mixed with minty, stinging sensations. The only downside came later when I tried to rinse my mouth out and for some reason started gagging uncontrollably. Too much bullshit going on in my mouth, I guess.
